别骂自己的孩子是小兔崽子，因为从遗传学的角度来讲，这对家长是不利的。
1. Don’t call your own child a little rabbit, because from a genetic perspective, it’s not in the best interest of the parents.

逃课太多，昨天想去上课，见到教授，教授惊讶地说，这么长时间不见，长这么大了。
2. Skipped class too much, wanted to attend yesterday, saw the professor, and the professor said in surprise, “Long time no see, you’ve grown so much.”

学了点国语的老外。早晨和女秘书打招呼“你吗好?”小姐瞪了他一眼，他一楞，马上又对她说：“妈，你好！”
3. A foreigner who learned some Chinese greeted his secretary, “Ni ma hao?” The secretary glared at him, and he, confused, immediately said to her, “Ma, ni hao!”

单身很痛苦，单身久了更痛苦，前几天我看见一头母猪，都觉得它眉清目秀的……
4. Being single is painful, being single for a long time is even more painful. A few days ago, I saw a female pig and thought it looked pretty…

谈钱不伤感情，谈感情最他妈伤钱。
5. Talking about money doesn’t hurt feelings, but talking about feelings hurts money the most.

骗子太多，傻子明显不够用了。
6. There are too many scammers, and there are clearly not enough fools.

没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我。
7. Don’t contact me for no reason, and don’t contact me even if there’s a reason.

我爱你！关你什么事。
8. I love you! What does it matter to you?

鄙视老师是做人的本分，是中华民族的传统美德，也是法律规定学生应尽的义务。
9. Despising teachers is a duty of being a person, a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation, and an obligation that students are required to fulfill by law.

敢诅咒我吃方便面没有调味料，我诅咒你吃方便面只有调味料。
10. If you dare to curse me for eating instant noodles without seasonings, I curse you for eating instant noodles with only seasonings.

小时候妈妈和蔼的对我说：乖孩子，学会了这个本领啊，你就一辈子都饿不死了。于是妈妈教了我吃饭。
11. When I was young, my mother kindly said to me, “My dear child, once you learn this skill, you will never starve in your life.” So, my mother taught me how to eat.

婚姻的难处在于我们是和对方的优点谈恋爱，却和她的缺点生活在一起。
12. The difficulty of marriage lies in the fact that we fall in love with our partner’s strengths but end up living with their weaknesses.

所谓情话，就是你说了一些连自己都不相信的话，却希望对方相信。
13. So-called sweet words are those you say that you don’t even believe, but you hope the other person will believe them.

人民币应该做的是，走美元的路，让美元无路可走。
14. The Chinese yuan should follow the path of the US dollar and leave the dollar with no way to go.

女人眼泪是最无用的液体，但你让女人流泪说明你很无用。
15. A woman’s tears are the most useless liquid, but if you make a woman cry, it means you are useless.

你说……你喜欢我?其实……我一开始……其实我也……唉，跟你说了吧，其实我也挺喜欢我的。
16. If you say… you like me? Actually… at first… well, to be honest with you, I also… Oh, let me tell you, I actually like myself quite a bit.

在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。
17. Looking at beautiful women on the street, if your gaze is higher, it’s appreciation; if it’s lower, it’s being a scoundrel.

如果他对你说：“忘了我吧”。你就告诉对方：“对不起，我一直没记住”。
18. If he says to you, “Forget me,” tell him, “Sorry, I never remembered you in the first place.”

上联：学生证准考证身份证证证没带，下联：听力题阅读题作文题题题不做。横批：重在参与。
19. Upper couplet: Student ID, exam ID, ID card, no ID; Lower couplet: Listening questions, reading questions, essay questions, no questions. Horizontal scroll: Participation is key.

清明假期，作业多地想给自己扫墓。
20. During the Qingming holiday, there’s so much homework that I want to build a tomb for myself.

别人手牵手，我牵我的狗，走一走，游一游，看谁不爽咬两口。
1. When others hold hands, I hold my dog, walking and wandering, biting those who annoy me.

最可恶的不是插播广告，而是广告结束后是片尾曲。
2. The most annoying thing is not the commercial breaks, but when the ads end and the closing song begins.

老师说今天唯一的缺点就是：后面聊天的同学要是能像中间打牌的同学那么安静，就不会吵到前面睡觉的同学了。
3. The teacher said the only drawback today is that if the chatting students in the back could be as quiet as the card-playing students in the middle, they wouldn’t disturb the sleeping students in the front.

上课时，某童鞋传来一张纸条，看到内容我真的很想扁他，写的是：在吗？
4. During class, a classmate passed me a note, and I really wanted to hit him after reading it, which said: “Are you there?”

唐僧再厉害，也不过是一个耍猴的。
5. Even if Tang Seng is amazing, he’s just a monkey tamer.

买了电脑不上宽带，就好比酒肉都准备好了却在吃饭前当了和尚。
6. Buying a computer without broadband is like preparing a feast and becoming a monk right before eating.

有的男人聪明得像天气，多变。有的女人傻的像天气预报，变天她都看不出来。
7. Some men are as clever as the weather, ever-changing. Some women are as silly as weather forecasts, unable to tell when the weather changes.

其实，一天班可短暂了，电脑一开一关就过去了。
8. Actually, a day at work can be very short, passing by just with the opening and closing of the computer.

爱情是艺术，结婚是技术，离婚是算术。
9. Love is an art, marriage is a technique, and divorce

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