1、猪有猪的思想，人有人的思想，如果猪有了人的思想，那就不是猪了，那是八戒。
1. Pigs have pig thoughts, and humans have human thoughts. If a pig had human thoughts, it wouldn’t be a pig anymore; it would be Pigsy.

2、华丽的转身，不料低调的撞墙。
2. A gorgeous turn, only to bump into the wall discreetly.

3、以后千万别对我用美男计，要不然我会将计就计的。
3. Don’t ever use the handsome man trick on me, or I’ll play along with it.

4、人生没有彩排，每天都是直播，不仅收视率低，而且工资不高。
4. There’s no rehearsal in life; every day is a live broadcast. Not only is the viewership low, but the salary is also not high.

5、男人就算征服了世界，但总有一天也被女人征服。
5. Even if a man conquers the world, one day he will be conquered by a woman.

6、头像最好别用自己照片，不然下线了多不吉利。
6. It’s best not to use your own photo as your avatar; otherwise, it’s inauspicious when you go offline.

7、太关注我的人，一般只有两种人，一种是暗恋我的，一种是暗算我的。
7. People who pay too much attention to me are generally of two kinds: those who have a crush on me and those who are plotting against me.

8、左边脑袋是面粉，右边脑袋是水，一想问题，就满脑袋糨糊。
8. The left side of my brain is flour, and the right side is water. When I think about problems, my head becomes a mess.

9、又帅又有车的，那是象棋，有钱又有房的，那是银行
9. A handsome man with a car is in chess; a wealthy man with a house is at the bank.

10、给你扔老虎笼子里，老虎都不敢吃你都嫌你牙碜。
10. If I were thrown into a tiger cage, the tiger wouldn’t dare to eat me, as it would find you too annoying.

11、如果地震了，我会和你一起死，你是被砸死的我是看见你死了笑死的
11. If there’s an earthquake, I’ll die with you. You’ll be crushed to death, and I’ll die from laughing at your death.

12、沉默是金，我都沉默这么久了，怎么就没见到金子。
12. Silence is golden. I’ve been silent for so long, but I haven’t seen any gold.

13、你是我的优乐美，请问我喝完了是不是就可以把你扔掉了。
13. You are my U-Love Me, so once I finish drinking, can I just throw you away?

14、哟哟切克闹，神州行，我看行不充话费行不行。
14. Yo yo, check it out. Can I not pay for my phone bill if it works?

15、不以结婚为目的恋爱，就是替别人养老婆。
15. A relationship without the purpose of marriage is just raising someone else’s wife.

16、我爱上学，但不爱上课，更不爱写作业。
16. I love going to school, but I don’t like attending classes or doing homework.

17、有妞不泡，大逆不道。见妞就泡，替天行道。
17. Not chasing after girls is a great sin. Chasing after every girl is fulfilling the will of heaven.

18、你是风儿我是沙，你是牙膏我是刷，你是哈密我是瓜，你不爱我我自杀。
18. You are the wind, and I am the sand; you are the toothpaste, and I am the brush; you are Hami, and I am the melon. If you don’t love me, I’ll commit suicide.

19、翻脸比翻书快并不可怕，可怕的是她还翻来翻去。
19. It’s not terrible to change faces faster than flipping through a book; what’s terrible is that she keeps flipping back and forth.

20、宁愿放弃整片森林，也不想在这颗枯枝烂叶树上吊死。
20. I’d rather give up the whole forest than hang myself on this dead branch and rotten leaf tree.

21、我一直身在江湖，但是江湖却没有哥的传说。
21. I have always been in the world of martial arts, but there are no legends about me in that world.

22、你我可以不吃饭，那你为了我能不能不喝水。
22. You and I can skip meals, but would you stop drinking water for my sake?

23、风情万种的女人是打火机，不解风情的女人是灭火器。
23. Women full of charm are like lighters, while women who don’t understand charm are like fire extinguishers.

24、胜者为王，败者暖床。
24. The winner is the king, and the loser warms the bed.

25、别以为是金口玉牙，所以轻易不开口说话。
25. Don’t think you have a golden tongue and jade teeth, so you rarely speak.

26、胖人的最高境界就是把校裤穿成牛仔裤。
26. The ultimate achievement for a fat person is to wear school pants like jeans.

27、毁掉一首好歌最好的方法就是把它设为起床闹铃。
27. The best way to ruin a good song is to set it as your alarm clock.

28、要不是打不过你，早跟你翻脸了。
28. If I could beat you, I would have turned against you long ago.

29、听说你过的不好，我坐在门口乐了一整天。
29. Hearing that you’re not doing well, I sat at the doorst

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